Getting back together & through & To
So much of our relationship was stiff-arming against any desires of our own. In fact, most of us who grew up in more evangelical spaces could likely attest to being taught that most desires were to be “fought” – we weren’t supposed to trust ourselves. As you might imagine, that made dating with any level of authenticity and humanity quite difficult. I fought against myself almost daily. Z and I would argue so much in those days, most of it was our real selves butting up against the “supposed to”s of our church circle. In other words, we had such a hard time legitimizing our own feelings and thoughts against a whole landslide of reasons “why” we “shouldn’t” feel _____.
When who loves you lures you
Most of my faith journey up until this point had been incredibly isolated, more between God, the pages of my journal, and my headspace lying awake at night (with an occasional Summer Camp High). This made me a perfect candidate to be fully submerged in The Way You’re Supposed To Do Things at a church primed for Doing It Right. Z was already up to his neck in this water and I dipped my toes in.
One Whole Year
Rosemary.
She is so much of what this year is not.
She stands in direct contrast to the darkness we’ve experienced, the dizzying dismantling of everything we knew and trusted, and every feeling of hopelessness.
